Sharing the Mental Load

I have always carried the mental load of caring for my children.  My husband is a great Dad and is willing to complete any task given to him, but he has never had to carry any of the mental load of raising our children. I have been feeling burnt out consistently over the past year so my husband and I discussed how I needed to move certain aspects of the mental load to his plate. 

 

One thing that we have been successful in moving to my husband's plate is my daughter's homework.  My oldest daughter and I had become trapped in a never-ending homework battle and it was proving to be detrimental to our relationship.  My husband took over the responsibility of helping her complete her homework and my relationship with my daughter improved dramatically.  She gives my husband a hard time, but she isn't as resistant to his direction.

Transitioning the mental load of my daughter's schoolwork to my husband has not been seamless.  We had to clearly communicate expectations and I had to resist jumping in when he and my daughter forgot something.  It is really difficult for me to not step in and just 'handle it', but if I keep doing that the mental load isn't truly leaving my plate.  

Removing the mental load of my daughter's homework from my plate has been so beneficial for me.  I feel less overwhelmed and I feel like my husband is doing his part to alleviate the stress that comes with managing our children's lives. I am excited to add a couple more aspects of our kids' lives to his his mental load and I look forward to the relief that it will bring to my own life.

Motherhood Monday: Back to School Prep

My oldest daughter returns to in person learning this year.  I have a lot of feelings surrounding this.  I am happy that she will get to see her friends again and be around children her own age.  I am excited to not have to be the 'teacher's assistant' this year and I am happy that I won't be trying to troubleshoot when Zoom suddenly crashes on my computer.  I will miss having her home all the time.  She has basically been home since the COVID-19 pandemic began in March of 2020.  I am also fearful with the lack of restrictions that the provincial government has in place.  I worry about her health because she has asthma.  I am angry that there aren't better protocols in place for children her age until a vaccine becomes available to them.  My anxiety is running high and I am working on trying to find a way to balance my fears with what I am hoping is a calculated risk.

In preparation for my daughter going back to school, I am trying to make the transition as smooth as possible.  Here are the ways that we are preparing for back to school:

• Going to bed on time and getting up early.  To be honest, this one will be hardest on me.  I love to sleep, especially at 32 weeks pregnant.  Getting back into proper bedtime routines and getting up at regular times will help smooth the transition so that we are used to the routine before it hits again.
• Meal prep.    I plan to make some muffins and easy meals to have in the freezer for when the frenzy starts.  Having lunch kit items ready to go and planning some easy meal items will help us all feel prepared.
• Get the entryway ready.  We have a tiny entrance to our home and it always looks a little different depending on the season.  I want to get the entryway organized so that it is easy for us to find the things that we need as we head to school in the morning.
• Put together the backpack and school supplies.  I need to label all of my daughter's school supplies and get it all packed up in her backpack.  We are doing our shopping this week, so I hope that I can still get everything I need!

What do you do to prepare for back to school?  I would love to hear your ideas!

Our New Routine With Social Distancing

Wow.  This week has been long.  I am sure everyone is now feeling the full effect of social distancing and the closure of schools/workplaces.  These times are certainly different.  As a health care worker, I fully support the push for social distancing, but that doesn't mean that it isn't challenging.  So first things first:  You are allowed to grieve.  You are allowed to grieve the loss of what you thought this month would look like.  You can feel sad, angry or stressed about this.  That is completely normal.  I have calmed down for the most part, but I am definitely still experiencing anxiety and stress because of the pandemic.

Since we are all stuck at home, I thought that I would share what we have been trying to do with our routine.  This new routine has been working well for us.  I don't have a rigid schedule, because I would find that extremely stressful.  I am attaching times to this routine to give you a rough idea of what we are up to. 

8:00 a.m.  This is the time that my kids naturally wake up.  I have not kept them to school day wake up times.  We could all use a little more sleep in our house so I am happy to start our day when they are ready.  We eat our breakfast immediately upon getting up.  My 2 year old always greets me with, "Hi Mommy!  I want yogurt."

8:30 a.m.  We brush teeth, do hair and get dressed.  Getting dressed in daytime clothes is something that works well for my kids.  They usually throw a princess dress on top of their outfit anyway.  We then make our beds.  Even the 2 year old tries to make her bed.

9:00 a.m.    We have been doing Cosmic Kids Yoga every morning and it has been wonderful.  They tell a story while moving through the poses.  My 2 year old only does part of it before she runs off to play something else, but my 5 year old loves it. 

9:30 a.m.  We try to do a craft or a learning activity during this time.  Today we drew pictures and yesterday we worked on my 5 year old's sight words.  This doesn't have to be hardcore.  It can just be dedicated time to creativity, counting or reading.  We plan to do play dough and bake muffins in the upcoming days.

10:30 a.m.  Snack time!  I have designated eating times so that we don't graze all day.  My kids eat better at meals when they haven't been snacking beforehand.

11:00 a.m.  After snack, my kids run off to do free play and I catch up on my housework, schoolwork or any other task that I need to focus on.

12:00 p.m.  Lunch time.  I make lunch while the kids play, we eat and then I do dishes.

1:00 p.m.  Quiet time.  This is for my own sanity.  My oldest NEVER naps and my youngest is hit and miss, at best.  During quiet time the kids look at books, work on a puzzle and sometimes watch the Cincinnati Zoo Home Safari.

2:00 p.m.  We try to tidy up, play a game, head outside or have a dance party.  Koo Koo Kangaroo has some great videos for kids to dance to if going outside isn't an option.

3:00 p.m.  We have another snack.

3:30 p.m.  If we haven't headed outside already, we go outside.  It is still winter weather where I am, but I try to get us out every single day.  It makes the kids wildly happy and it helps calm me down, too.

4:30 p.m.  We head inside and start making supper.  While supper cooks we play, practice our music

or read books.  We also clean up all the toys before supper is ready.

After supper we start our night time routine, which takes longer than I would like to admit.  After that the kids head to bed.

How are you dealing with the self-isolation day to day?  Any ideas you want to share with me?  I would love to hear what you are all up to!

Updating Routines

If there is one constant in life, it is change.  Life is always evolving and we need to adapt as change happens.  When changes in our lives happen, I find that my old routines often don't work anymore.  We have experienced some changes in the past month so I thought I would talk about how I have updated our routines.

The biggest change that has happened is that my oldest daughter has started kindergarten.  She goes to school for full days.  Kindergarten school days start an hour earlier than her playschool days.  Another change that is that I have started taking online courses, as I am working towards a different career path.  I have to be intentional about designating time to work on my schooling.

With these changes our morning routine and my evening routine has changed.  We have also developed an after school routine.  When working on new routines it is important to establish what you need to accomplish and the time that you need to do that.  I try to always allow for extra time.  With kids, I find that I need it!

For example, I need to have my daughter at school for 8:30.  I know that before school I need to do my morning routine, both kids need to get ready, we need to eat breakfast and walk to school.  It takes me about an hour to get my routine done and hour to get my kids out of the door.  I add a 15 minute buffer to my kids' morning.  It can take up to 15 minutes to walk to school.  With all this in mind, I start my mornings at 6:00 a.m.  My kids get up at 7:00.  I get my daughters ready and then we head to the breakfast table.  I make my oldest daughter's lunch while the kids eat.  Depending on how much time this all has taken, we either get our shoes on and head out the door or my kids can play for a few minutes.

Routines can't be rigid as life changes constantly.  With little tweaks and adjustments, everyone can feel comfortable and know what they are expected to do.  I will continue adjusting our routines this week as we get used to the changes in our schedule.

Transitioning Back to School

It's that time of year again.  Summer is over and kids are heading back to school.  Although I love the freedom of summer, I am ready to settle into a routine again.  The transition back to school is made easier if you ease your family back into the routine before you actually head back. 

1.)  Get back to bedtimes.  I honestly stay consistent with bedtimes with my kids all summer long.  We let them stay up late for the odd special event, but everyone in our house is happier when we stick to bedtimes.  If your kids have been staying up later start rolling back their bedtime 15-20 minutes a night until you arrive at their ideal bedtime.

2.)  Wake up on time.  This one will be starting in our house this week.  While we stick to bedtimes, I have been letting my kids get up at whatever time they want.  We will be back to our regular wake up time this week.  After waking up we will also get back to our morning routine so that we will be used to getting ready to leave the house on time.

3.)  Stick to mealtimes.  In our house meal times and snack times get blurry in the summer.  It feels like my kids eat all day long.  My child will not get to eat all day at school.  This week we will start eating at designated times.  I will have to keep my girls busy in between because both of my kids love to snack.

5 Fun and Simple Ways to Enjoy Summer

Summer is short and fleeting.  Most of us want to make the most of it, but sometimes it can be a struggle.  The good news is that you don't need a ton of money, time or effort in order to enjoy your summer.  Today I am going to share with you 5 fun and simple ways to enjoy your summer.

1.  Grow Something  There is nothing quite like nurturing a plant and watching it grow before your very eyes.  I have many plants and I love it.  If you are just starting out a simple flower or herb may be a good way to start.  Try to choose something hardy that won't mind if you forget about it from time to time.

2. Backyard Pool or Sprinkler  Nothing fancy here.  Just a plastic pool with some water or a sprinkler for the kids (and adults!) to run through.  This screams summer to me.  Some of my favourite memories from my childhood summers involve running through the water with my brother.

3.  Enjoy a frozen treat  This also screams summer to me.  We like to eat pospicles, freezies and ice cream outside at the park or on the patio.  Nothing like a dripping treat in the hot sunshine.  (And the added plus of less clean up because you are outside.)  Bonus points if you make your own!

4.  Blow bubbles  I have a fascination with bubbles.  I think that they are beautiful to watch.  My kids love to chase them and attempt to catch them.  Summer time is bubble time.

5.  Nature Walks  I think that nature walks are important all year round.  Nature is calming and so gorgeous.  I really like bird watching with my kiddos in the summer.  There are so many birds in our yard that only come for spring and summer.  Animals in general are much more active in the summer and there is so much to see.

How do you like to spend your time in the summer?  Do you have any simple past times that you like to enjoy?  Have a great weekend, friends!

Walking Through Difficult Times

We all walk through difficult and stressful times in our lives.  No one makes it through unscathed.  Recently, my husband and I learned that our pregnancy was ending is miscarriage.  We are both heartbroken.  This will be our second miscarriage.  We were so excited for our new little one and the thought that we won't get to meet this sweet baby fills me with sadness.  Unfortunately, there is no way around grief.  You have to walk through it.  I have learned a few things that help me make it through painful times and I thought I would share them with you.

Share your pain with your support network.  Whenever I am going through something difficult, I feel a strange responsibility to shield those around me from my pain so that I don't make them feel uncomfortable.  I don't know why this is my knee-jerk response, but I so badly want everything to be okay, so I pretend that it is.  I try not to let my pain spill over into areas of my life that other people see.  It really isn't the healthiest response.  While I recognize that I don't feel comfortable (nor should I) sharing my pain with everyone around me, I do have a handful of people who are in my support network.  These people are more than willing to share the burden of my pain.  These are the people who love me no matter what and who are willing to sit with the discomfort in order to help me wade through my heartbreak.  So I share.  I call them when I can't carry on my brave face and I start to crumble.  They listen, give me love and slowly help me pick up the pieces.

Set boundaries.  Setting boundaries is a lifelong skill that I am quite certain I will never fully master.  It is challenging to set boundaries at the best of times, let alone when we are feeling raw and broken.  The unfortunate fact of life is that there are people who always seem to overstep, ask for too much or can't recognize when they need to give space.  When you are hurting you need to grant yourself the time and the space to walk through your grief.  This might mean taking some responsibilities off your plate for a while, stepping away from activities or people whom you find draining, or simply building protected time into your schedule so that you can process in the way that works best for you.

Ask for what you need.  This can be hard to do, especially when we are used to being able to meet our needs on our own.  When we are hurting, the people around us want to help.  Sometimes they don't know how to do that.  It is perfectly okay to ask for what you need, especially when someone offers to help.  It can be as simple as just having someone listen or give you a hug.  It can also be asking someone to watch your children for an hour while you take a moment to yourself.  Everyone deals with challenges in different ways so it can be beneficial to clearly state what you need when someone is trying to help. 

If you don't have a good support network in place, please seek help through your medical provider or through a support group.  You shouldn't have to walk through painful times alone.  We are built for community, especially during times of need.

Time Out For Mom

I have a difficult time leaving my children.  I always have.  My anxiety goes through the roof, even when they are in safe hands.  We struggled for years to get pregnant.  When we had our first daughter, she was in medical distress and had to be transferred to a different hospital in a city that was an hour and a half away.  That hospital had no room for me and being fresh off of an emergency c-section, I was not allowed to follow for 36 hours.  Those were the longest 36 hours of my life.  I think that once I finally got my baby in my arms, I simply never wanted to let go.  I had nightmares for months about being separated from her.

I think a lot of my anxiety has stemmed from the events following her birth.  I am also a worrier by nature, so I often have to step back and remind myself that worrying doesn't do anything productive.  At any rate, I struggle to feel safe being away from my kids.

This has been fine and well for a long time.  Our kids had fallen into a nice evening routine.  I was feeling like I was getting ample alone time during my nights.  Recently, our oldest daughter has been struggling with her sleep and our alone time in the evenings has been greatly diminished or non-existent.  Coupled with her being overtired and feeling defiant, my frustration grew quickly and I finally became overwhelmed.  Saturday night, I found myself losing my temper and having to hand bedtime duties over to my husband before my I completely boiled over.  When he finally got our daughter down to sleep, I tearfully told him that I needed a break.

I was tired of spending my days trying to help my kids sort through emotions, while feeling spent and overtired.  I was tired of spending my nights trying to calm my older daughter while feeling anything but calm.  He agreed and suggested I take the time to recharge.

The next afternoon I decided to go to a nearby city.  I almost chickened out.  I nearly turned around.  I phoned home and my husband assured me all was well.  I took a few deep breaths and kept driving.  I eventually made it to the city.  I looked at pretty decor, drank coffee and browsed through stores.  I bought my next planner (Eeek!  I love planners!).  My afternoon was quiet.  No one asked me for anything.  I didn't have to help anyone calm down or share or find a productive way to channel anger.  I relaxed and thought only of trivial things.  I enjoyed my coffee while it was hot.  Best of all, no one followed me into the bathroom.  (If this seems strange, I apologize.  My kids make it their personal mission to be in the bathroom with me at all times.  If I manage to close and lock the door, they sit outside and talk to me the whole time.)

It was a lovely break.  It was a needed break.  When I came home, I was refreshed.  My daughter had another difficult bedtime that night, but I didn't get frustrated.  I felt better able to help her through it because I was no longer depleted.

Take the time, Mama.  Everyone needs a break now and then.  It can be difficult to find a way to make it work, but it is vital.  Sometimes you only need an hour.  Other times you need a whole afternoon.  Take what you need to stay healthy.   As the old adage goes, 'you can't pour from an empty cup'.

Teaching and Modeling Contentment

I have a 4 (almost 5) year old who has begun to notice the differences between our lives and the lives of those around us.  She has started to notice when people have larger houses than us or different/better toys.  Every once in a while she will wistfully say "I wish we had a house/car/toy like that".

I have worked very hard in the last few years to learn how to practice gratitude for where we are in our life.  I have never really been into comparing the things I have with the things that others have and neither has my husband.  Keeping up with others hasn't been our priority.   Our financial and personal goals have outweighed the want to have all the fancy/expensive items.  We simply can't have both and we choose to stick to our goals.

In the past, however, I would shop when I was feeling stressed or down.  I love clothes and home decor and this is where I normally would spend my money.  I did a no-spend year and forced myself to learn better self-care techniques so that I wasn't spending money every time I felt unhappy.

One of the self-care techniques that has been powerful is gratitude.  Taking the time to think of all that I have to be thankful for can really help me to stop the urge to spend money.  I have to remind myself that the clothes I have are perfectly good and don't need to be replaced.  I am content to use what I own.

When my daughter mentions something that she wishes she had, I stop and remind her of all that we do have.  We have many people in our lives who have larger or newer homes than ours.  When my daughter "wishes" for a bigger house I remind her that our house does all the things that we need it to do.  Our house keeps us safe and warm.  It protects us from the elements.  It doesn't have to be fancy or new to do those things.  Most importantly, our house contains our family and that really is the most important thing.  When reminded of all the things our house does for us, my daughter usually responds with "Yeah, I love our house".

Envy is a normal human emotion, but we can teach our children how to grateful for what they have.  I don't feel guilty for not "giving everything" to my children.  My children need their needs met and love.  My husband and I do those things for them.  Everything else is icing on the cake.  Our goal is to raise children who understand that things do not create happiness.  Contentment leads to a much more peaceful life.

Frugal Friday-Holiday Priorities and Budget

When planning for the holidays it is important to pick out what is most important to you about the holiday season.  Is it a church service, traveling to see family, a delicious meal or sharing a fun experience with people you love?  It is easier to properly budget for your holiday season if you can identify what makes the holiday special for you and your family.

In our house our first priority is celebrating the birth of Jesus.  Our next priority is spending time with family.  We also like to send out Christmas cards to our loved ones.  When we can afford it, we pay for professional photos to use for our cards.  Our last priority is gifts.  We love to give the children in our life gifts at this time of year.  We don't like to make gifts the focus of the season, but it is fun part of the holiday.

We don't need to spend any money celebrating the birth of Jesus, so we start our budget planning with our desire to spend time with family.  My family lives nearby.  My husband's family, however, lives hours away.  If we plan to travel to see them we have to budget for gasoline and a kennel stay for our pup.  If my in-laws come to our house we have to budget for the meals we need to make.

When planning our Christmas cards I budget for our photography fee, the actual Christmas card, and the stamps to send them.

Gifts are the last thing that I budget for.  I truly try to keep things simple in my house.  Santa brings each child one toy and one gift to share.  He also brings a few items for their stocking, but they are often practical (toothbrushes and socks).  This year my Hubby and I are giving our kids a family trip to the city in January.  We plan to take them swimming and to the science center.  We also got them each a book and a sweater so that they have something to open on Christmas morning.  I set a dollar limit for our spending and I stick within it.  I watch for sales and do price comparisons so that I get the best deal.  I also set spending limits on the other little people in our life. 

The rest of our gifts are homemade.  The kids make the grandparents a gift (with help from us) and our oldest helps bake for the uncles.

My best suggestion is to start saving for the holidays in January.  If this isn't possible then start saving when you can.  No one wants you to put yourself into debt just so you can give them a nice gift or meal.  It isn't worth it.  The best parts of the holiday season are free so set your focus there.  Be honest with your family and friends and cut back on your holiday spending.  Having a plan in place can help you focus your money where it matters and resist spending in places where it doesn't.

Simplify Fall 2018- Kid's Artwork

My daughter (like so many children) loves to draw and create.  She is constantly presenting us with her artwork and loves to see it displayed.  We used to put it up on the fridge.  We found a few problems with this.  Our baby, who is now mobile, seemed to enjoy removing the artwork that she could reach.  This was upsetting for our older daughter.  The baby also loved to eat the artwork.  This was upsetting for both my daughter and me.  I knew I had to come up with a different solution.  The fridge was cluttered and art was falling off every time we opened the door.

I found these cork board tiles at Walmart and I knew that they would be perfect.  The wall in our dining room was completely blank and I had not yet found anything to adorn the room.  I put the tiles up and I have attached my daughter's art to the tiles.  She is so proud to see her art on our walls and I like that it seems to give her art an organized way to be displayed.

How do you display your children's artwork?  I would love to hear your ideas!

Simplify Fall 2018- Kid's Clothes

My oldest daughter has quite the wardrobe.  Between gifts and hand-me-downs, she has a lot of clothing.  I rarely have to go out to purchase much for her, which is such a blessing.  Her wardrobe does get out of control, however.  She loves digging through her drawers and leaving things in disarray.  She has recently developed the habit of putting dirty clothes back in drawers, so that is fun...

I generally clean out my daughter's closet and dresser seasonally and every time she has a growth spurt.  It is Fall which means that it is time to pack away her summer duds and go through her warm weather clothes.  I sorted through all of her clothes and took out anything that was too small, stained or that she refuses to wear.  She has always had strong opinions when it comes to her clothes.

I kept a few of the items for Miss. Em to grow into, I passed a few clothes to a friend's daughter and I threw away the stained pieces.  I was very honest with myself when it came to what my daughter would actually wear.  I would much rather someone else get use out of an item than have it sit in her dresser for ages.

Before:

Items removed from closet and dresser:

After:

Tips for Going Through Your Child's Clothing:

• Depending on your child's age (my daughter is 4), you may want to do this without your child present.  I find it much easier to take away clothes that are too small or are in poor shape without Miss. E declaring how much she loves it.  
• Sort clothing into a donation (or hand-me-down) box, a garbage bag or put it straight back into the closet/dresser.  This will make it easier to get items to reach their final destination and you won't get mixed up.  If something needs repairs, try to get to it as soon as possible so that it can be put away.
• Be realistic.  My daughter had the cutest pair of polka dot jeans in her dresser.  They were a gift.  She hates them.  She flat out refused to wear denim at this stage of her life.  It's leggings or sweat pants only.  I think that they are adorable but they are simply cluttering her drawers.  I put them in a box of clothes that I am hoping Miss. Em will wear when she is older.
• Don't save too much.  We attach memories to things.  We remember the lovely wedding that our child wore that dress to or the sweet day at the pumpkin patch.  We don't need to save the clothes to save the memories, however.  I do set aside the odd item for my daughters to have when they are grown up, but I try to keep that amount reasonably small.  I also find that time helps me detach from the item so if something is difficult to let go, set it aside and re-evaluate in few months time.

Frugal Friday- Travel Edition

It is that time of year.  Everyone is hitting the road.  The weather is beautiful and we want to soak up all the fun that summer has to offer.  Travelling can be expensive (especially with sky-rocketing gas prices!) so I wanted to share some money-saving tips that my family uses.

Oh my heart.  She is so little here!

1.)  Pack your lunch.  I know.  I know.  Fast food is easier.  It is also more expensive and can make you sick.  (Car sick with kiddos?  No thank you.)  We try to pack our meals in a cooler and eat on the road.  This saves us time (my 4 year old can make a fast food meal last over an hour!) and money.  Eating at restaurants (fast food or otherwise) isn't cheap.  My oldest daughter loves "road lunch".  I pack a cooler with sandwiches, cut up fruit, cheese, crackers and a fun dessert.  She loves it!  I always make sure to bring her a small dish or bowl to eat out of.  We also fill our reusable water jugs at home and bring along a small camping water jug to refill them.  I have brought my own coffee in a thermos, as well, although Hubby and I sometimes get fancy coffee when we travel.  We don't have that option where we live.

2.)  Set your cruise control at the speed limit.  Yup.  We are those people.  We drive the speed limit and not above.  It is easier on your vehicle, your tires and it is so good for your fuel mileage.  Trust me.  Gas isn't cheap anymore.  Speeding tickets aren't either.

3.)  Find free rest stops on your way.  On really long trips we try to stop at a park or a rest stop that has free (clean!) bathrooms.  I really hate using gas station bathrooms if I am not buying anything so I really look to avoid this scenario.  Parks are great, because they often have bathroom facilities nearby and the kiddos can stretch their legs.  We also bring along a potty for our oldest daughter because sometimes the next stop is just too far for her.

4.)  Double check your list.  Before I leave on a trip I make really extensive lists.  It probably looks a little cray-cray but it helps me get organized.  Go over your list and really try to plan for the most likely scenarios.  This will help make sure that you don't forget something important like underwear or Tylenol.  It will also save you the headache of trying to purchase something you forgot.  I am not suggesting you pack your whole house, just make sure you write a list of all the things you need.  Don't trust your memory to store it all.

5.) Save money when you do eat out at a restaurant.  Juice and pop (or as my American friends would say, soda) cost quite a bit of money and can really escalate the cost of a meal out at a restaurant.  We just drink water, unless it is included in the cost of the meal.  We also don't always purchase a separate meal for our daughter.  She is 4 and is often so wrapped up in the noise and buzz of the restaurant, that she forgets to eat her meal.  We like to discuss what we are getting and as long as one of us has a meal that she will eat, we share with her.  Restaurant meals have massive portions and there is always enough food to go around!

What are the ways you like to save money on while traveling?  I would love to hear all about them!

Summer 2018

With summer finally here, I decided to make a list of things that we want to do or accomplish this summer.  Hubby's work is busy again, so there will be a lot of time at home this summer.  This actually suits me just fine.  I am a bit of a homebody and it will be nice to enjoy our yard.

1.)  Have 'pool' days when it is hot out.  We live 2 blocks from the local swimming pool and we bought a small 'kiddie' pool this year.  I plan to utilize both on hot days.  Miss. E and Miss. Em love the water so this plan will be a hit.

2.)  Go to the cabin.  We have already gone this year and we plan to go more.  The first weekend had it's rough points (weird weather, forgotten items, cranky kid), but we learned what we could and hope to be better prepared next time.  Packing for 2 kids is another curve but we are slowly getting it. 

3.)  Work on our garden.  We have already planted our garden and we have been tending to it.  Miss. E is really excited to see our plants coming up.  She can help me water and hopefully she will want to eat everything that we have grown.

4.)  Work on Miss. E's letters.  Playschool was wonderful and really helped Miss. E along with writing here name.  I hope to continue that work over the summer.

5.)  Play. All. The Games.  This one would make my family shake their heads.  When I was younger they had to force me to play cards and board games with them.  I wasn't that interested in games and would have rather spent my time reading.  Looking back, I am happy that they made me participate.  Those are some of my fondest childhood memories.  We bought a board game at a garage sale a few weeks ago and Miss. E loves it!  I will be on the lookout as we continue to garage sale over the summer.

6.)  Hit up garage sales.  I am really trying hard to buy used items.  It is better for the environment and cheaper.  I really want to do this with things like games and outdoor toys, so we will be hitting up garage sales to see if we can find the items on our list.

7.)  Find a splash park.  We don't have a splash park in our town, but my daughter loved playing at a splash park last year on our holiday.  I know of a few parks nearby and I think that we should check them out.

8.)  Go on our family's camping weekends.  We camp with each side of the family every year so we plan to participate again.  It is always fun to spend time in the great outdoors with family.

9.)  Paint the swing set.  Our swing set came from my Grandma's yard when she moved into the nursing home.  It is in great shape, but needs a little paint. 

10.)  Hit up a fair.  Mini doughnuts... need I say more?

What are you planning to do this summer?  What is on your list?

Simple Birthday

For my daughter's 4th birthday, I decided to make a few changes.  When looking back on her birthdays, she is always enamored with her cakes and little else.  With this in mind, I decided to focus my energy on her birthday cake and to keep everything else super simple.  In the past, I have made the whole meal myself, baked and decorated the cake and decorated my home in whatever theme that we had chosen.  It was a lot of work and it also cost money.  It was all very nice but I wasn't really enjoying her birthday parties because I was running around so much.  We have little Miss. Em this year who is 4 months old and I knew that I wouldn't be able to do all the things that I had done in the past.

I decided that I would order the supper for the family party (2 for 1 pizzas), not worry about the decorations and focus solely on the cakes.  We did a party in the early morning for her friends and friend's parents and then we hosted family in the evening.  My amazing Mom baked sugar cookie mermaid tails for me to help me decorate my daughter's cakes.  I did cupcakes for the kid party and cake for the family party.

I had looked into buying a fruit tray for the kid's party but it was far too expensive for my tastes.  I just bought a watermelon, strawberries, raspberries and blueberries and prepped them myself.  This took minimal time.  I made cupcakes for the party and that was all there was for food.  Cake and fruit.  I had a cooler stocked with water and juice boxes for the kids and parents to drink.  I put a table cloth that I already owned on the table along with some borrowed seashells and called the decor good.  I had planned a few easy games for the kids in case they were bored, but we didn't end up using them because they were playing so well!

I worked on the cakes throughout the week during my youngest daughter's naps.  4 days before the parties I baked and froze the cakes.  3 days before the parties I iced the cookies and froze them. 2 days before the party I made the icing.  The day before the party I iced and decorated the cakes and then stuck them back in the freezer.  We don't have air conditioning and I was afraid that all the icing would melt off!

The sugar cookies were added at the very last minute so that they didn't fall apart before the party.

The only 'crafty' (I use this word loosely here) thing that I did for the birthday party was create a mermaid photo booth for the kids.  It took me all of 15 minutes to create and it cost $2 for the bristol board.  It was super easy and the kids liked 'becoming' mermaids.

The family party was kept super simple, as well.  I ordered pizza for our main meal.  I set out chips and watermelon and had the cooler stocked with juice boxes, water and pop.  

My daughter was thrilled with her parties.  She got to run and play with her friends, eat cake and become a mermaid.  She had so much fun.  It was a good lesson for me that I don't have to throw "Pinterest-worthy" parties in order for my daughter to have a good day.  Going forth, I will definitely focus my efforts where they count and not worry so much about the rest.  I will be sticking to simple birthdays from now on.

Find Your Village, Mama

If you had told me when I was pregnant with my first child that my girlfriends would be essential to motherhood, I would have disagreed.  My husband?  Definitely.  My family?  For sure.  My friends?  Nope!  I was very adept at isolating myself.  I had gone through years of infertility and loss.  I had built a sturdy little wall to protect myself from the pain of being vulnerable.  I was sure that if I had a weak moment in my motherhood, people would judge me.  I mean, wasn't this what I wanted?   Shouldn't I only show gratitude for getting to be a Mom?

Don't get me wrong.  I was (and still am) exceptionally grateful for the chance to be a Mom.  Here is the thing, though.  Being a mom is exhausting and challenging work and it is okay to acknowledge those challenges.

I spent the first year of my motherhood feeling isolated.  I didn't share that my daughter wasn't a great sleeper.  She fought sleep like it was her only mission.  I didn't acknowledge my anxiety over my daughter's health issues and I definitely didn't share my challenges with the learning curve of becoming a Mom.  I didn't want anyone's advice because it felt like judgement.  I was scared to admit that motherhood was challenging.  I was terrified of  'Mommy Wars'.  I didn't want to have someone tell me that my way of parenting was horribly wrong.

Fast forward (almost) four years and I am here to tell you that you need your village.  You need people who are going to nod in agreement when you express your exasperation.  You need people who will laugh with you about the silly things your kids do.  You need people who will say 'my kid does that too!'.  (Seriously.  That phrase lifts my soul.  Every. Single. Time.)

I honestly don't know many people who engage in 'Mommy Wars'.  No one parents exactly the same way.  We are all in the trenches doing the best we can.  Sure, I meet one of those 'know-it-all' moms (and dads!) every once in a while.  Here's a little secret about that mom: she has parenting insecurities, too.  I take those people with a grain of salt.  I will choose connection over pretending to be perfect.  Always.

Being a parent is easily the most vulnerable thing I have ever done in my life.  Embrace the vulnerability.  Embrace the discomfort.  Lean on your girlfriends.  Let them lean on you.   Your village doesn't have to be huge.  It just has to be present.  I seriously have 3 girlfriends that I talk to the most about parenting.  My village is tiny, but it has done miraculous things for my journey in motherhood.

Building a village can be tough, but it is essential.  I have some tips to help you in your quest:

1.)  Join a mom group.  Libraries, churches, and community groups often host mom groups.  Force yourself out of the house.  It can be tough in those first few months, but do your best.  Show up and meet people who are going through motherhood at the same time as you.

2.)  Be supportive.  This is the biggest thing.  How people parent their children is up to them.  How you parent your children is up to you.  Barring anything extreme, it doesn't really matter if someone makes different decisions than you.  It doesn't mean that they think what your doing is 'wrong'.  It just means that they are doing thing differently.  Different is not a big deal.  I breastfeed and cloth diaper.  I actually don't personally know anyone else who cloth diapers.  I have plenty of friends who bottle their children.  I am completely supportive of my friend's choices and they are supportive of mine.

3.)  Be vulnerable.  Admit that it's hard.  Acknowledge that you have challenges.  Everyone does.  Vulnerability leads to connection.  It takes courage, but it is worth it.

Don't go through motherhood in isolation.  Your friendships are more important than ever.  We weren't ever meant to go through it alone.  Find your village, mama.

A Neutral Palette for my Capsule Wardrobe

My closet looks pretty boring colour wise right now.  I usually have an array of colours hanging up in my closet, but my postpartum capsule is rather neutral.  I have found that most of the capsule wardrobes that I have seen done by other people have a neutral palette.  I used to think that the lack of colour would bother me so I never really went that way when I was planning my capsules.  I have discovered that although I like to see  colour in my closet, I don't often choose to wear it.  I like wearing neutrals with a few pops of colour here and there.  My capsule has been super easy to use this time because everything is so easy to pair.

I love this outfit because it is basically all neutral except for the pops of colour on the trim of this cardigan.  Basically black and grey are my favourite colours to wear. 

This cardigan is adorable.  I love that the length gives great bum coverage (because #leggings) and the fact that it has pockets.  If you are a Mom, you need pockets.  Seriously.  The floral pattern is so pretty and brings some life to the outfit.  My friend Charlotte made this cardigan and I really love it.  You can find her clothing shop on Facebook (here).  Her shop is called Lions and Lambs.  She makes women's and children's clothes.  Her items are beautiful and unique.  This is not an ad, I just really love her stuff!

Happy Wednesday!

Why I Have Gone Back to a Capsule Wardrobe

I haven't done a capsule wardrobe since 2016.  I have worked with a smaller number of items in my closet, but I haven't created an actual capsule in over a year.  I have come back to the capsule wardrobe because it provides some great benefits. 

1.)  Outfits are easy to grab.  My capsule is about half the size of my previous capsules and it has been wonderful.  I actually think that I made my other capsules too big!  It takes no time for me to get dressed.  When our daughter was airlifted to the city, my husband was able to go in the plane with her.  I drove up behind with Miss. Em.  I stopped at the house to grab a few overnight items for all of us and my diaper bag.  My capsule made it easy for me to quickly grab what I needed so that I could get on the road. 

2.)  It works for my life now.  Let's be real.  I don't have anything fancy to attend.  I am a mom and I spend most of my days at home, running errands, going for walks and doing playschool drop off/pick up.  I don't need to look particularly fashionable.  I do want to look put together and I want my clothes to be practical.  This wardrobe is really serving that purpose.  It is functional, looks decent and allows access for nursing.  

3.)  Everything fits and works with my current body.  I have set aside most of my pre-pregnancy clothes for the time being.  My capsule only contains clothes that fit me right now.  I was starting to feel down every time I got dressed because I would inevitably grab something that fit before I was pregnant.  Of course, most of those clothes don't fit right now.  Even the clothes that I can get on don't fit well.  It helps to have a selection of clothes that I know are going to fit.  There is no disappointment when I am getting ready, which is better for my self-confidence.

This sweatshirt has been on repeat lately.  I love it because it is comfy and warm.

I have a couple quick capsule wardrobe notes to share.

   -I wear nursing tank tops under my sweatshirts.  I don't include them in my capsule total because I never wear them on their own.  I truly treat them like underwear.

   -My capsule actually totals at 17 pieces.  I have a long sleeve black nursing top that I forgot to include in the original count.

   -I won't ever have shoes in these picture because I don't want my dirty winter boots in the inside of my house.  My boots are super cute, though, so I am including a picture of them.

Happy Wednesday!

Mom of 2- What I Have Learned (So far...)

Our youngest is just over 2 months old.  We are thrilled that our family has expanded and we have been enjoying our new family dynamic immensely.  I have picked up on a few things in my transition to 2 children that I thought I would share with you.

1.)  You CAN do this and so can your oldest child.  I was slightly petrified that I would somehow find the transition to 2 children to be insurmountable.  While it has definitely had it's bumps in the road, the learning curve hasn't been nearly as steep as I had imagined it would be.  I found the infant stage so much easier this time, mostly due to the fact that I trust myself now.  You are always a little unsure of what you are doing with your first child and I was a definite worrier.  This time I know that I have done this before and that I know what I am doing

Our oldest daughter had an emotional first few days as she navigated the family change.  She was always thrilled about her little sister, but still seemed a little out of sorts.  We just made sure to gently assure her that she is a very important part of our family and that we love her very much.   She seemed back to herself after the first week.  It was a big change and she just need a little time to settle in.  She has been such a big help and loves to sing to "her" baby.

2.)  Frozen Meals and a Snack Basket will save your sanity.  Before I had my baby, I made sure to stock our freezer with frozen dinners.  I spent a whole weekend cooking and freezing meals for after the baby arrived.  It was such a lifesaver.  It was so nice to just grab a lasagna or soup from the freezer and heat it up for dinner.  I know that freezer meals can be a lot of work, but they are worth every minute.  You can find my post about freezer meals here.

I am breastfeeding and my daughter can feed for anywhere from 45 minutes to an hour.  Her feeds often run into snack times and meal times.  My oldest daughter can't open our pantry and does not have access to the fridge.  I didn't want to make either of these accessible to her so I created a snack basket.  In this basket I place pre-approved snacks for her to grab when she is hungry.  I like to put in things like bananas, applesauce, craisins, crackers and oranges.  This has been such a wonderful thing to have.  I don't have to interrupt a feed to tend to my oldest daughter's hunger.  She thinks that the basket is great, too!

3.)  Keep the routine.  When we first arrived home, we were not paying much attention to our routines.  Our oldest daughter was often late getting to bed and we were all over the place with morning routines and waking up on time.  It really did a disservice to our household.  Young children thrive on routines.  We have to stick to a fairly strict bedtime in our house.  With our oldest daughter, we have found that it isdifficult to get her to go to sleep after 8 p.m..  If she gets to bed late she doesn't sleep as long and her quality of sleep isn't as good.  When her sleep is off then everything else suffers.  We quickly returned to enforced bedtimes and predictable morning routines.  It makes a world of difference.  Our daughter doesn't fight her bedtime and wakes up happy.  She knows what to expect in the moning and that seems to set her day off right.  We still have the odd day where things don't go as planned, but for the most part our routines really make our household run smoothly.

What are your tips for helping a family transition to having 2 children?  I would love to hear your ideas!

Our New Addition

Our daughter Emelia arrived just before midnight on January 2, 2018.  We are absolutely thrilled to have her join our family and are so thankful for her safe arrival.  Elizabeth was enamored with her baby sister from the start.  She has been very busy making up songs to sing to the new baby and helping Mommy and Daddy. 

Emelia spent a short time in the NICU for breathing difficulties. Those resolved after a few days and we were able to bring her home.  We were blessed to have wonderful doctors and nurses caring for us during our stay in the hospital.  The NICU nurses were exceptional and Emelia's doctor was wonderful.

We are slowly settling into our life at home with Emelia and Elizabeth.  The newborn stage is always interesting and changing so we are doing our best to maintain a routine with Elizabeth.  Hubby was home for a week after we were discharged, so that helped immensely.

I am working to get new blog posts up as we settle into a routine in this new stage of life.  January will be a learning curve and I hope that you will bear with me.  For regular updates you can follow me on Instagram.  You can follow me @peacefulsimplelifeblog .